His grace is sufficient, sympathy is not

2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me

I chose to trust God, to look to Him for answers, to be in faith, to be content with the outcome either way, to have a good attitude, to lovingly birth Jaden, to celebrate her, to look at the big picture of eternity, to not let my emotions run my life, to not look at the circumstances but to see what God was doing in these circumstances, to look at the good, many good things outweighed the bad when I looked passed myself. It’s not about me.
In the past I have looked to sympathy as a comfort, but I am so glad I did not go there this time. If I chose to look to people to fill my void they would have come up short, only God could fill my gaping hole. And now He has made me whole again and it didn’t take time for me to heal. I was healed before she was even born. I think I grieved for 24 hours until He rebuked me for being upset that I had to give birth to a dead baby, and opened my eyes to see that I was going to be able to birth Jaden Eliana Moore straight into heaven GLORIOUSLY! There is no loss. There is a beautiful spirit in heaven, complete, whole, lacking nothing, full of joy.
I was having a hard time wondering why I didn’t feel loss or sadness when I felt my empty womb. But then I thought about my other births, I didn’t miss having them in my belly after they were born so why should I now. It all had such a completed feeling to it, she was special, her life was different but not any less wonderful. Just because I don’t get to hold her doesn’t mean that her life meant any less than my other children. It actually meant more. Praise God!